Do you ever wonder why you make plans?  Most of the plans I make never end up like I think they will.  Well, hardly ever, anyway.  The same seems to go for Dear Hubby, too.  He's been on vacation for the past week and a half and nothing much went according to his plans but he told me today he had a good vacation in spite of it so I guess it was successful after all even tho he didn't succeed with his bow hunting venture.  We ended up spending Thanksgiving with our kids and grandson...we spent a couple of beautiful mornings out at the archery club he belongs to, where I was finally able to finish Pattie Boyd's book and start in on another one that I have more than half-finished already.  He'd planned on being out in the woods camping and hunting until today.  I'd planned on having most of this weekend to myself.  But it ended up much nicer than I'd planned so I guess you could say I had a successful weekend off, too.  I don't know why I think being by myself is such bliss at times.  I find some of the best time I ever spend is with Dear Hubby.  Even if we don't say much, as we didn't yesterday riding out to St. Helens and then home again.  But we were peaceful and quiet and content together and it was nice.  Really nice.

I used to feel compelled to come here almost every single day to write.  Maybe I should say it bordered on compulsive/obsessive.  I have strong tendencies towards both in my life.  Just ask my kids.  But I was beginning to feel trapped inside of my "gotta write!" mindset and I wasn't enjoying it like I have in the past.  So I'm in the process of changing my mindset and writing when I feel like it.  I also have strong tendencies to put a lot of pressure on myself to go..go..go all the time.  When my daughter offered to go buy our groceries yesterday I think I shocked myself even more than I shocked her when I said, "Ok."  I told her and I told Dear Hubby I'm not in the Wonder Woman business anymore.  If someone offers help around here, I'm taking it.  Especially with a new grandbaby coming and the extra energy it's going to take to care for him/her --  we still don't know 100% yet if it's a him or a her because he/she kept his/her legs crossed during the ultrasound earlier this week!!  --  I have got to learn to ease up a bit on myself.  I am not as young as I used to be.  For someone almost 54 I'd say I've got more energy than most women my age and I can walk miles...but it takes its toll now.  I'm tired at the end of the day.  I don't spring back like I once did.  Now I kind of...toddle...back. 

I am so ambivalent about Christmas.  This evening, tho, at twilight as I took Chloe dog for her last walk of the day, as I rounded a corner, what did I come across but a house all decked out with holiday lights.  Beautiful.  I get so caught up in so many different emotions from past Christmases I don't love it like I once did.  I'm hoping to get it back this year because we're going to celebrate it as our family, our family alone for the first time in 34 years.  I am so looking forward to that, I can't even put it into words.  Maybe...just maybe...the joy will begin to creep in again.  It's been way too many years that I've just gone thru the motions.

I moved out of my 'comfort zone' at church this morning.  There was a younger couple who sat down in the pew in front of us and I had never seen them before.  I told Dear Hubby, "I'm going to say hello."  That's just not done at our church much...isn't that sad?  So I leaned forward and tapped the lady on the shoulder and welcomed her and introduced myself.  I felt good.  She felt good.  I'm going to do it more often now.  It's so funny...I have no problem doing that out in public...talking to strangers all the time...but within my church's walls...fuhgeddaboutit!  It's been that way for 31 years...very few people ever move out of their comfort zones, myself included.  If you do, people look at you like you're weird or maybe sprouted an extra head or ears or something.  What's so hard about saying, "Hi...I've never seen you here before.  Is it your first time?  I thought I'd say hello.  My name is Kris!"  But those words have frozen in my throat more times than I'm willing to tell you, I'm so ashamed.  Ah well.  Things can change.  Myself included.  Who knows...maybe someone else will see me do it, get brave, and do it themselves.  But I'm not holding my breath.